


Knock Knock

by leiascully



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Knock-Knock Jokes, Stakeout
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 13:46:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10832511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiascully/pseuds/leiascully
Summary: Scully tries to liven up the stakeout.





	Knock Knock

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: early seasons indeterminate  
> A/N: For the @xfficchallenges dialogue-only challenge. Rated G. Thanks to Buzzfeed for the bad joke.  
> Disclaimer: _The X-Files_ and all related characters are the property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox Studios. No profit is made from this work and no infringement is intended.

"Knock knock."

"I'm pretty sure that's my line, Scully."

"We've been in this car for ten years, Mulder. Knock knock."

"It's only been three hours." 

"Three hours on a stakeout is ten years of regular time. Knock knock."

"I'm not sure you're taking into account how good the company is, or the fact that I brought you iced tea."

"I don't think there's a standard conversion rate of stakeout hours to regular hours, Mulder, and if there were, I'm not sure it would have any kind of deduction for company. Knock knock."

"Ouch, Scully."

"I thank you for the tea, Mulder, but my bladder doesn't, especially after three hours of staring into the darkness hoping our perp opens the blinds. Knock knock."

"There's really no deduction for company? After three years of stakeouts? I brought my own air freshener."

"I appreciate that, and I appreciate the fact that you brought a cup for your sunflower seeds. However, that doesn't change the fact that there are better ways to spend a Friday night than sitting in someone else's car on a dead end street where we will almost certainly be noticed for the law enforcement officers we are. Knock knock."

"Name three better ways to spend a Friday night, Scully."

"First of all, I have a manuscript that needs edits before I resubmit it. I might take a bath. I might read a book. Knock knock."

"Paint the town red, Scully."

"Maybe I'd go to the movies. The point is that I wouldn't be in this particular car, trying to look through the windows of this particular apartment. Knock knock."

"So it's the car you're objecting to more than the company."

"The company's fine. Knock knock."

"Want to go to the movies, Scully?"

"I'm a little busy. Knock knock."

"Did you ever go to the drive-in in the summer? I loved the drive-in. The perfect summer day was baseball, swimming, and the drive-in."

"I liked the drive-in too. Knock knock."

"You're really not letting go of this joke." 

"I would think after the aforementioned three years this tenacity wouldn't surprise you. Knock knock."

"The fact of the tenacity doesn't surprise me, but usually you reserve it for higher causes, like telling me how wrong I am."

"I'm taking a break from that particular cause for the evening. Knock knock."

"Just for the evening?"

"We're stuck here in this car for an indeterminate amount of time until the next shift decides to relieve us, which we both know has taken longer than regulation permits before, and I have no reason to suspect that will change anytime soon. Therefore, for the sake of both our sanities, I'm reserving my energy for other things. Knock knock."

"I'm touched that you care so much for my sanity, Scully."

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"A broken pencil."

"A broken pencil who?"

"Nevermind. It's pointless."

"I...you spent that long trying to tell me that joke? Scully, I've never heard you laugh like that. You're going to blow our cover."

"The look on your face, Mulder, haha."

"Did your latest New England Journal of Medicine come with a humor insert?"

"No, my brother told me that one. JAMA's the one with the funny pages, Mulder."

"From what you've told me, I can't imagine Bill telling jokes."

"No, it was Charlie. He called the other day." 

"Oh, shit, Scully, I think you actually might have blown our cover. Are they coming closer?"

"We're not pretending to make out again, Mulder."

"I thought you wanted to enjoy your Friday night."

"I do. They're leaving."

"Guess they don't want to know what we're doing in a car in the dark."

"I'm guessing we're playing I Spy again."

"We'll never get to the big leagues if we don't practice, Scully."

"I was hoping this was the car with the deck of cards in the glove compartment."

"No joy. I spy with my little eye something black."

"The sky."

"No."

"The lamppost."

"No." 

"The dashboard."

"No."

"...knock knock."


End file.
